2020 was the year that brought me closer to perfect vision (“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” 1 Corinthians 13:11-12).

 

2020 was the year I learned that the false identity of “pastor’s kid” ran deeper in my soul than I realized. It needed to be uprooted because it was hindering my growth. Having been a pastor’s kid for two decades was and is a major influence in my life, but it is not who I am (thank God).

 

I can’t remember the first day I heard or knew about God — it felt like I was born into faith. It felt like faith was given to me, and then I had to figure out if I actually wanted or needed it.

 

I’m halfway through my 30s and I could distinctly remember two seasons in which I questioned my faith:

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• Dark Night of the Soul

• Dark Winter

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Here I unpack how God showed up in those two places (actually, He never left).

 

Here I unpack the dissonance between preaching and practice in my experiences with those who say they follow Jesus (myself included) and with the “church”.

 

Here I unpack the beauty and transformation I’ve experienced in Biblical community, regardless of the faith experiences of those involved.

 

Here I unpack the lilies I was given in my valleys.